We all have a story and this is mine. It is similar to other stories. This one is set in the Wild West, two words that pretty much embody my character, including an underlining theme of cowboys and Indians. There is drama, tragedy, comedy, fear, action, suspense, villains, heroes and of course a valuable moral lesson to be learned. Okay so maybe I learned more than a few moral lessons, and sometimes the same lesson more than once, but the one I want to share with you - for the soul purpose of building an overarching theme is….The Worthiness Formula.
I was born the oldest of eleven children, and as the eldest, I was self-branded the rule maker, later to discover I was much better at being the rule breaker. As the rule maker I set high expectations for myself and all the subjects (my younger siblings) who lived in Heather’s Queendom. There was no one before me to lay down the law and my mother who was widowed twice (enter tragedy), left me in charge. You see my mother was to say the least, the most patient woman you’d ever meet…patient to a fault. So I was the disciplinarian and all I knew was what I had been taught- yell, scream, threaten and intimidate…and never show weakness (storyline filled with fear). As we all know it is not the best way to raise children, but it was all I knew. Plus being abused at a young age, I didn’t have any tolerance for feelings, empathy, or gushy stuff like showing affection and positive reinforcement. The abuse was a key ingredient to my unworthiness, and I started to build a leather like exterior, tougher than rawhide. I know it sounds like I was a total bully in my home… and you are right. I made demands, commanded commands, enforced laws and handed out the punishments.
Outside of home, by the time I was in high school my nickname was Rocky- and it wasn’t because I looked like Sylvester Stallone (insert several action scenes). It was in my blood, my genetic make-up was composed of a natural born fighter, Mexican, Irish and Native American. My tough exterior got tougher and my loss of worthiness continued to expand. You can see where this is all headed. I grew up fast and with a “get it done -at any cost- attitude.” Regardless of the circumstances, I was unstoppable while keeping up the illusion I was a good example for those around me. Good news is we all made it out alive and I am proud of my subjects/siblings for what they endured during my reign as queen. It changed all of us, for better and for worse.
Fast forward 22 years, I am the mother of 5 children with three different fathers (drama with a side of unworthiness). I married the same man twice, and divorced him twice (no romantic comedy here). Sounds bad doesn’t it? Don’t get the tissue box out yet, there is light at the end of the Las Vegas strip. In a nutshell, I managed to graduate from college, pursue a solid career, start my own company, live two blocks from the beach, and provide a pretty good living for myself and my children (a possible happy ending). Throughout those years were some tough lessons. Thankfully I learned to let go of the people in my life who brought me down (the villains) and surround myself with the ones who lifted me up (the heroes). I was also open to learning and began to look differently at the way I was programmed and reprogram myself. However, I always ran into the same road block…worthiness.
What I discovered is although we are born with an innate worthiness, deserving of everything the world has to offer, through life experiences and relationships we give our worthiness away or it is taken from us. We are left feeling unworthy. I needed a practical application, something I could do, while still being me! It would take more work, more vulnerability (yuck, but a good yuck), empathy (double yuck) and I would need to do some research- sounds a bit boring- not at all – that is where the plot twists and enters our heroines. I wanted to find out if other women were suffering from the same disease I was…unworthiness.
The short answer is yes they were, but all for different reasons. As I began to explore their stories, I discovered common threads among them. They all felt unworthy of something they deserved, they all persevered through life’s wardrobe changes and they wanted to feel worthy again too, be the star of their own movie. So, I did what most people do when they are faced with a question you can’t Google, I prayed. I prayed for a cure for the disease of unworthiness and my prayers were answered, even if I didn’t want them to be. By learning from others, exploring emotional intelligence and consistently working on myself daily (a big difference from my previous character right, I mean are we still talking about the same girl), I discovered a formula to get my innate worthiness back. When I consistently applied the formula and helped other women, the favor was returned (go figure right-total plot twist). I am on my way back to a home full of worthiness, one where it’s OK to be the queen and the subject at the same time, one where there is no guilt of past mistakes, only doors to opportunity and one where I can freely live my mission with no judgement. LOVE GOD & LOVE PEOPLE.
This is the home of The Worthiness Formula and where my story continues. Join me for the sequel where we will rediscover our innate worthiness and the only concessions you’ll need for this show are an open heart, an open mind, and love.